


How Seasons Unending Should've Went

by TrickstersHeir



Category: Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Genre: Crack, Gen, Rap Battles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-17
Updated: 2015-05-17
Packaged: 2018-03-30 23:51:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3956593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrickstersHeir/pseuds/TrickstersHeir
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Epic Rap Battles of Skyrim History, Ulfric Stormcloak vs General Tullius</p>
<p>de-anon from the skyrim kink meme</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Seasons Unending Should've Went

**Author's Note:**

> I took A LOT of inspiration from ERB on youtube, so if you recognize it that's where it's from. I'm more of a poet than a rapper, but I hope I did this justice. And the DB just sorta slipped in, because I'm personally a trucer.

_ARGENIR: Epic rap battles of Skyrim! General Tullius, versus, Ulfric Stormcloak! Begin!  
  
ULFRIC:   
Bringin' in my army  
you know we're gonna rock,   
Get down Tullius,  
and suck my Stormcock.  
I'm the unrelenting force  
fucking up the Thalmor,  
half the people in your army  
don't know what they're fighting for!  
  
TULLIUS:  
This is war Ulfric,   
not your green boy's game,   
Nobody will ever   
remember your name!  
Stop your pussy revolution boy  
I'm coming in hard  
Your rebels have nothing   
against the Imperial Guard!   
  
ULFRIC:   
So you've captured me now  
yeah, what a big fucking deal  
I've got the sons of skyrim at my back  
taking your boys down with blood and steel.   
We've got the thu'um old man  
Fus ro dah-ing ya to pieces  
We serve Talos to the end  
He's basically Jesus!  
  
TULLIUS:  
Stand down Ulfric,   
gonna give you a show,  
bend you over this table bitch,  
I'll make you my Storm-ho!  
  
ULFRIC:  
You're a fucking elves bitch!  
  
TULLIUS:  
You're a racist cunt!  
  
ULFRIC:  
Yeah, well, you're stupid!  
  
TULLIUS:  
NO, you're stupid!_  
  
The dragonborn, who had previously been observing Galmar and Elisif's background dancing, sighed at the sudden disolve into uncivilised insults. His adopted kids were more mature in their verbal spats than these two men. Rolling his eyes, the Dragonborn rose from his chair, silencing both Tullius and Ulfric as he stood upon the table and interrupted with his own rap.  
  
 _DRAGONBORN:_  
By the power invested in my by Akatosh,  
The High King will not be   
The loudest of two cocks!  
Fus ro dah you across this room  
Crash you into the wall like equals.   
You don't fuck with me,  
I'm the voice of the people!  
  
Tullius, I want to like you!  
But you're such a little shit,  
You're never fighting hard enough  
Too busy being the empire's bitch!  
  
Ulfric, your aspirations are great,  
No one else could be such a dreamer,  
But you're a shell of a man,  
leading a pack of racist skeevers!  
  
I'm the Dovakiin, boys  
The savior of existence!  
I won't just leave a mark on history,  
I'll fuckin Stone-fist it!  
My rhymes are powered   
by a motherfucking dovah soul  
I'll shout you down off your high horses  
Yol Toor Shul you whole!  
  
I'm the greatest hero of the ages,   
fighting a dragon throughout time  
So kiss my ass boys,  
But you'll have to wait in line!


End file.
